that's my excitement(?) for the day

I have just successfully applied for university and college. Woo.
The post I imagined about this was much more exciting in my head...


Although, pretty cool thing, I applied for Massage Therapy! Wooot!
Oh man! I'm pretty dang excited about that one...weirdly enough.

insert incredibly pleasant sigh

Today I received the most amazing hug I have ever received before. It was from Maria. I loved it.

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life."

open the eyes

.....The eye is the most interesting organ in the human body, in my limited experience.
.....Eyes can convey so much. They shed tears, not only when one is sad, but when one is exceedingly happy as well. They crinkle on the edges and twinkle when a person is smiling and laughing. They squish when one is angered or frustrated. They grow when a person is shocked. They fade and dull when a person is weary or tired. They can show pain, exhaustion, happiness, excitement, consternation, determination, joy, sadness, exasperation, irritation, anxiety, hope.
.....The eye varies so much per person. Colour, sensitivity, shape, acuity.
.....There are so many different parts to the eye, it is amazing. There are rods and cones. Rods are for detecting brightness and cones for detecting colour. It's so interesting because your eye receives the light that is reflected off of an object, making it that colour. For example, blonde hair is blonde in your eyes because yellow-ish light is reflecting off of the hair into your eyes. And the rods and cones in your eye can detect different intensities of colour and different colours.
.....Eyes are so crazily intriguing. I just can't get over it.
.....I remember I dissected a cow's eye in Biology. It was remarkable. I could see all of the parts, the optic nerve, the retina, the lens, the aqueous humour, the vitreous humour, and I can't remember the rest. It was incredible. The light enters the pupil and is focused on the retina by the lens. Then all the rods and cones interact with each other[because of the light] and send messages to the brain regarding colour, contour, and brightness. It's astounding.
.....I hope I never get bored of these kinds of things. I hope I always think about the way things work, I hope I am always fascinated by common, everyday things, like eyes, and other things, like words.


...
If eyes are so amazing, why is it so hard to use them sometimes?
How can we be so willingly blind to the things that are right in front of us?

fix you

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you



Definitely listened to that song way too much yesterday. In fact, past that. It was way too much after the sixth time. Past six times, it was like, "Are you crazy, out of your mind?!?!"

Dear Carol-Lee Joy:
Yes, now I know what you mean.
And yes, sometimes it is nice to cry with someone.
And yes, it is nice to "spill it. all of it."
But sometimes, wouldn't you rather keep it to yourself and hang on to the fact that you have a secret that no one else knows? And wouldn't you rather save it for times when you are alone, when you can bring it out and think about it and cry and not worry about someone's probing eyes searching you and wondering and dying to ask?
From: Nadine

toasted whole wheat bagels

Happy twentieth, Anton.

shut up brain

My brain won't shut up and I'm feeling annoyed/ worried/ distressed/ grumpy/ harassed/ sleep deprived/ fretful/ needing[but not wanting] to talk/ sad/ apprehensive/ uncaring/ morose/ hurtful/ far away from everyone/ resentful/ callous/ introverted/ agitated/ sulky/ taciturn/ inconsiderate/ exhausted/ sorry for self/ irritated/ distant/ uneasy/ hostile/ embarassed/ fatigued/ frustrated/ sullen/ hard/ miserable/ wanting to go outside and yell/ unkind/ cold/ reserved/ displeased/ bitter/ hurt/ withdrawn/ indifferent to everyone/ silent/ anxious/ infuriated/ discouraged/ exasperated/ grouchy/ aggravated/ upset/ cynical/ restrained/ perturbed/ restless/ angry/ selfish.

Stupid brain. Stupid me for thinking.

hmmm

I got up this morning, and I was confronted with my cat. She was eating the plant on the windowsill. It was gross, well, not gross, but quite interesting, I'll tell ya that. You know your mother has gone crazy when she asks the cats if they are sharing the tuna juice she gave them. I laughed. I'm very cold, but I can't find my slippers. My cat is blocking the heat, she's sitting directly on top of the heater. The amaryllis has a new bud shooting up. I found a yo-yo. Sometimes, I am convinced God is crazy. Camp is amazing. We sang around the fire. With people I love. I thought about things and I cried. I want to bake cookies. It cheers me. And right now, no one is awake to steal my batter. I found my slippers and my sweater, but I'm still cold. The puzzle I tried to do yesterday was much too hard, so I did a violin instead. It was easier. Our computer desk is horrendously messy, but I like it. Why is it that when people ask how I'm doing, I can answer that I'm good and they'll believe me, but when I'm thinking, alone or in a group, and I'm lost in my thoughts, they can sense something is up? And, why can't I just say something is, even though I don't know what it is sometimes. Being introverted sucks. A lot. But, I still like it. I have a wierd thought process. I need to get my glasses. I can't see.

foamy hot chocolate

My head hurts, I need to transfer my thoughts somewhere else.

Thanks for the talk Justine.


In other news, Dan can reach past his knees now. Yusssssssssssssss!
HUZZAH!
[it's exciting]

sleep deprived